Listening to a lot of tdwp lately.
Please read it all.
I am failing my story, I haven’t worked on it in about six months.
I haven’t drawn anything in about two months or so, I’m out of practice.
I have failed on astronomical levels at every new human relationship in the past year. This past month I realized I haven’t even such as kissed a girl in 5 years. I have suspected I am extremely incompatible with others for some time now, but I think I am beginning to develop sociopathic tendencies and I will have to bear my burdens and demons alone for the rest of my life.
I try to be a reserved person, I try not to be a hindrance to others, I had a abnormal childhood and have relied on bidding my time for my peers to mature, to embrace enlightened people, and share and grow. But I feel I am failing my “patience of a stone” philosophy. For the past 5 months I have, everyday, woken up, went to work, come and hated my life, and gone to bed. And while a can draw conclusions to why I feel this way, I still feel perplexed about it.
I mean getting the “short end of the stick” is my luck, but a some point I felt it would change in my favor, if only for a moment. I have very few simple desires in life. Screen print, cherish a life long companion, guide youth. And I am failing those simple things, before I can even begin.
Now I’m not one to seek pity or attention, normally I would delete all of this and reply with, “Oh just some things, just a little down.” But Anon you really got me at low point. I would like to say this venting would make me feel better and I’ll wake refreshed tomorrow. But it’s not. I’m going to stew it over and re-read it in my mind, along with everything else I have said and heard today. Because I know there is nothing right or acceptable I can say or do to anyone that will bring them peace and sooth my churning soul. Everything I say gets misunderstood. Everything I do is inadequate. So for the love of God believe me when I say,
Thank you for asking, please be open and patient, as I do. I am distraught because I remain vulnerable. I wish this existence wasn’t such a burden. I, at times, just want to dissolve to vapor, but there is so much potential for love. I have baseless love for you, Anon. And my heart burns that you would feel loved and share love.
Wishing all those celebrate it, a Happy Diwali. The Festival of Lights celebrates the triumph of good over evil, of Light over Darkness and so may the year ahead be flooded with light for you.